"You are not yet as Job"

This past week I have had several encounters with people who are experiencing a very difficult time. Each time I have been able to listen with a cheery heart despite the difficulties they were going through. Perhaps I came off a little unsympathetic, but each time they referenced my daughter's passing and how difficult it must have been--but I was in such a good mood I really couldn't remember how it felt. Each time I talked to these people, I tried to dig deep to remember what it felt like to go through that very difficult time in my own life. All that digging produced the effect I think they are feeling. I should have stopped digging. It has, however, been eye opening to listen and to hear and feel their frustration and their hurt. Then I was privileged to give a lesson on the martyrdom of the prophet Joseph Smith to the 12 year old kids in our church and I was taught an important lesson.

The prophet Joseph Smith astounds me. At 14 years old he was reading the scriptures in James, chapter 1 verse 5 and decided to ask God which church to join. God and His son appeared to Joseph and told him that he should join none and that God would restore His church through Joseph Smith. At 14. Then the persecution began. As a teenager he was reviled and abused and tormented by a variety of people. In the following years he had several more visions, received the gold plates (which was the record he translated into the Book of Mormon) and established the church. Along this road he was tarred and feathered, he was beaten by mobs, several of his children died in their infancy, some members of the church betrayed him, his wife questioned him at times, he was fraudulently arrested and charged with ridiculous crimes of which he was innocent and at last he was murdered in cold blood leaving his family and the budding church to deal with the opposition of the people of Illinois. None of which could have been very easy. And yet he never lost faith. He was faithful until the end.

There was one point, in Liberty Jail, when persecution was raging and Joseph and others were illegally arrested and held in a dungeon of a jail and not allowed to see their family for months and were treated poorly Joseph asked this question of God

O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?

This wonderful, obedient servant had been and was currently enduring pain beyond my comprehension. I have lost one child, he lost six. Along with everything else that was going on in his life, he lost 6 babies. I've seen marriages and lives fall apart because of much less than this. And do you know the Lord's response?


" My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.

Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.

Thou art not yet as Job; thy friends do not contend against thee, neither charge thee with transgression, as they did Job." Doctrine and Covenants 121: 7-10

No matter what happens in this life, it will be okay. Even Joseph Smith, who went through all this at one time asked God where he was, wondered if the Lord still had a handle on his life.

I just want to testify to all of you out there who are hurting. All of your aching hearts and eyes tired from crying will be made whole in time. God does not forget his children. Sometimes we are asked to bear burdens, and they are called burdens for a reason. But God is always near us and he has promised that if we keep his commandments and live up to our potential angels cannot be restrained from being our associates. As it says in a song,

For a little while 

Have I forsaken thee; 

But with great mercies will I gather thee. 

In a little wrath I hid my face from thee 

For a moment. 

But with everlasting kindness will I gather thee, 

And with mercy will I take thee ‘neath my wings, 

God has not forsaken you. he will not forsake you. He cannot forsake you. Don't you know that Jesus died for you? Don't you know that He has graven you upon the palms of His hands? Jesus suffered and died for each one of us and if we have faith in him he will succor us. He will heal us. Have faith. Know God loves you, even if you can't feel it right now.  You are not alone.

I know this because He has been teaching me this very concept this year. Keep the faith. I'm praying for you.


Courtney

A few words on Loss and dealing with it

It's so strange how loss can creep up on you at basically any given moment. It's like, a whole week of good, positive feelings and then BAM! And you can just feel that pit in your chest and the burning behind your eyes. Today at the grocery store I happened to see a woman I used to know. She was with her family and I stopped by to say Hi when this strange look came over her face. I had two lightning fast thoughts back to back. 1. I wonder if she's still uncomfortable about that one thing that happened in our neighbor hood and 2. She knows about Brooklyn--or does she know about Brooklyn? Now, I don't speak for the general populace of people who have lost a loved one but for me, sometimes I have feelings of...shame. And it's so silly to put it that way but I don't have any other way of explaining it. It's almost like...I have this gaping wound where everyone can see it but only some people actually look at it. And when they look right at it and I know they are looking at it I feel a mixture of sadness for the cause of the wound, embarrassment for the other person's discomfort and shame that they are seeing something so intensely personal and I did not give them permission to see it. 

My cousin made some comments today. He is having a rough time right now and his family is just...falling apart. I apologize if any involved parties read this and have hurt feeling about that comment, but it's just so tragic. He commented that everything is so fake and that people just pretend that everything is fine and happy. Now, I have no idea how everyone must be feeling but sometimes it's true. Sometimes we do fake the happy. No one wants to air out their dirty laundry where everyone can see it. No one wants to feel everyone's eyes on their wide open wounds. Even if they are healing. It's ugly and raw and sad. 

I do want to say that not everyone is fake. Not everyone just puts on a show all the time. Sometimes we do it to shield loved ones from unnecessary pain. Sometimes we do it to keep ourselves together. But for all those of you who are going through a difficult time. It's okay to feel sadness. It's okay to feel frustrated. It's okay to feel anger and pain. It's natural to feel these things. And it's okay to talk to other people. You don't have to fake a smile all the time. It's more than okay to sit down with a friend and say, "You know what? I'm having a really bad day. Things aren't going so well." sharing your burden with others can be a very cathartic and therapeutic experience. Sometimes it helps just to work through the craziness in your head and say it out loud. Sometimes that friend is the answer to our most private and sacred prayers. 

No matter how you slice it, everyone is going through a hard time. No matter what it is. If you assume that everyone is experiencing a crisis, you will be right 50 % of the time. You can't fix it. Don't try. It will be awkward, it will be uncomfortable. Just do what you feel is right. If you want to acknowledge it, do, if you don't, don't. Just show love to everyone you meet. You never know what healing is under way, or what hurts are fresh and painful. Everyone needs a smile. Everyone needs a laugh. And everyone needs a friend.

And for those of you who are suffering and cannot find relief through friends or books or music or anything else, turn to God. He will heal you through the atonement of His son. 

God loves you and nothing will ever change that love. Nothing.

Courtney