Sometimes I wonder if we bring trials upon ourselves unwittingly. I laugh at myself when, in the midst of a trial, I suddenly realize that the frustrations I have been experiencing appear to be a direct answer to my prayers. I don't think we often appreciate the power of prayer, but like the importunate woman story in the bible who cried at the judge all the time to avenge her, he eventually gave in. Our Father in Heaven loves us and he will not ignore us, if we ask for it and it's really important to us, he just might grant it to us. So, be careful what you pray for.
I do also believe very firmly that as we seek for the Lord's will he can influence us to ask for the things we need and then grant them to us when we finally ask for them; and he will grant us his help to overcome our trials.
While all of this is true, it doesn't make the trials any 'easier' necessarily, there is still a struggle, still a fight that must be won and lessons learned. Sometimes you must grit your teeth and stare into the devil's face and say "I will not give in to you!". Faith and belief in the midst of personal trials can be most difficult, especially when the one you doubt is yourself. In a time when there is so much that a man or woman must 'be' with several attribute lists to check off and to do lists for your temporal/spiritual life it is easy to get overwhelmed. And for some reason, being married gives you MORE reason to think about yourself than others, when I always assumed that when I was married I would have more time to care about others because I wasn't searching for a spouse. Ha ha.
In conclusion, to leave out the mundane personal details, I have discovered that sometimes things don't go the way we had hoped, financially, technologically, socially, or educationally, in order for us to realize that we need to rely on the Lord. On those eternally long days when you can't reach a friend and need a shoulder to rest on, or when you encounter other frustrations, perhaps it is because you need to turn to the Lord, he has a message for you that you are not hearing, or he just wants to make sure you are depending on him for your salvation, that you realize you cannot do it yourself. And I am grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ, that I can give him my burden and weep in his arms and be forgiven, and be strengthened and made whole.
That is what the Atonement is all about. The Savior says

 28 ¶^aCome unto me, all ye that ^blabour and are heavy laden, and I will give you ^crest.

 29 Take my ^ayoke upon you, and ^blearn of me; for I am ^cmeek and^dlowly in ^eheart: and ye shall find ^frest unto your souls.

 30 For my yoke is ^aeasy, and my burden is light.  

                                                                - Matthew 11:28-30

 He has suffered all things,

 8 The ^aSon of Man hath ^bdescended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

                                             D&C 122:8

And last of all

 7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the ^apit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the ^bdeep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to ^chedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of ^dhell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee^eexperience, and shall be for thy good.
                                       D&C 122:7


It's difficult to go through this life but if I learned anything from this past week it has been that God will support you, he will not leave you to fall when you come upon affliction. You need not unduly worry about anything. He will guard you and guide you and if you ENDURE---which I think is the most difficult part of all of the plan of salvation--through all of your difficulties and trials and are made pure and holy like unto God He will accept you into His kingdom. I know this to be true because I prayed about it and The Lord answered me. And He will answer your prayers too. Keep praying. No matter what.




And now, for the update in our family life: 

Jake is doing really well in School. It's is quite an adjustment having him gone all day, I can definitely see the appeal in watching TV all day waiting for him to come home. Bentley and I play while he's awake, and then he goes to sleep and I clean or find something to do. My hope is to start running in the mornings and to start eating healthier so my triple digit weight can become a little less large. :D 
Bentley's personality is showing through very prominently these past few weeks. He is a loving child, so happy and so smiley. He wants to be anywhere Mom and Dad are and if we leave him in the living room while we sit at the table or in the kitchen, he will come and play under our feet. Sometimes if he wants to be held he will crawl next to my feet and touch my leg with both hands. It is so cute. 
He screams for my family, any time they hold him he starts crying and screaming and it is the funniest/saddest thing ever. Though, for Donlu and Vanessa he was pretty good. I don't know what it is about the Edwards' family but for Donlu and Vanessa he just gave a sad pout and big, saucer eyes. 
Bentley also has a desire to walk. I honestly think he realizes that walking is faster than crawling.  He is always pushing up to his feet, but he lacks the strength to stand up and he definitely lacks the balance and coordination.
He is a talkative child, he just jabbers, saying 'bla, bla' or 'UH!', very emphatically. He sleeps easily in his crib and his sleep hours are only getting longer. I am preparing for when he teethes, but I am grateful for what I have now.
Today he started drinking from a sippy cup. I didn't want to spill my cup all over him so I gave him a sippy and he's drinking just fine from it. Crazy. I love my little Bentley. I will upload a video later today. I would do it now, but I have a meeting in 49 minutes that I forgot about. :) ha ha

Love you all!