Love

Today  as I was reading in the Holy Bible, in the Book of John, Chapter 3, verse 18 I came across a very interesting scripture.
Now, before you look it up and before I comment on it I want to rewind a little bit.

I have been wondering lately why it is SO DIFFICULT to make friends, and not just that, but why, in a city full of members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints is it so hard for ME to find a friend. At first I thought it was because everyone 'fakes it until they make it' but as I read this scripture it suddenly came to me. The scripture reads as follows:

"My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue only* ; but in deed and in truth."

* see the New King James Bible, Joseph Smith Translation in the foot note.

It occurred to me that verbally, I am a very gushy person. I gush about how much I love so-and-so and I am so happy to see them and I would love to stop by some time, blah blah... and outwardly we are all very friendly, but perhaps the issue is with me (since I am the only one that I can really judge and change, let's look at me). Even though I tell people that I love them and I care for them, doesn't mean that I am really caring for them. There is a woman in my ward who has really inspired me. When she talks to people, she uses their name, she lights up, she is interested in their life and asks specific questions, she doesn't say "Oh, I love you so much!" But her actions, her smile, her eyes, they all say how much she loves and cares for them.

When you love someone it's not enough to say, "I love you," but you have to show it as well. I can't say, "I love you, Jake" and then ignore him all day, sit around and do nothing and let my house fall into progressive filthiness. He would feel very unloved!

I would say that it is the same with all of God's children. It's not enough to express the desire to be around someone or, care and concern for those that you visit each month, but you need to be actively thinking about their happiness and well being, rejoicing when they rejoice, mourning with them as they mourn, and sometimes, as necessary, showing up unexpectedly and performing a good deed.

Oops. My baby just woke up. I have to go get him, he's been screaming at me lately, experts say it's because I don't give him enough attention. Le sigh. :) So it's back to being a mom. Next time I write, I'll write in the evening so I can put more stories of Bentley, a few pictures and a video.

We love you!

Hope you all feel better soon!

Courtney

Nostalgia

For the past few days I have have suffered with a dreadful ache in my chest. I feel my heart longing for home, oddly enough. Don't get me wrong, I love my house where I live, it is beautiful and spacious and I couldn't ask for a better home or neighborhood, but still, I long for the one bedroom apartment in Alabama that Jake and I made our very first home. I long for the spirit of that home, the feeling that it was mine and Jacob's and it was our own life and I long for the furniture that cost us 15 bucks collectively. I miss the TV stand, watching The Office after a long twelve hour shift at the hospital. I miss lunches with Sara and Machiel, I miss Sunday dinners with the Williams and the Miller families. I miss Papa and his ridiculous peanuts, and Angela and her sweet smile. I miss talking books with Derek and Kelli and hearing Tyler's off to the side inanimate object jokes. Most of all, despite the horrid weather and the eerie sound of the tornado sirens I miss the pouring rain and the crazy wind and the minute mountain that is Alabama. (I miss all the babies too)
I don't think I could adequately describe the feelings that I have about the video above, where we lived in a house with no previous memories or habits associated with, on our way to start our family that we decided to have on our own, in our own little home, making our own little life together. I will always treasure that time, even though we had too much furniture and no room, I smacked my head on the refrigerator door and even though I was in Alabama I still had to scrape my windows.
I believe no matter where I am I will miss where I have been. There are pros and cons to every place you live, every stage of life. I thought the other day what it would be like to suddenly wake up, as if in one of those movies, and suddenly be single again with the knowledge that I had once had Jacob and Bentley. Even the thought brought tears to my eyes. I think in my movie I would be obsessed with finding a way back to my husband and my son, I couldn't bear it. Even for a day. I can trade houses and schools and jobs and friends and weather, but I would never trade my family.
I can hardly believe as I look back on my life that it has already been nearly a year since we shot this video-- a night of no sleep. Ha ha. The night our lives changed again, miraculously and forever. I can only try to imagine what it must be like to bring other children into a home or see your child go on a date for the first time, or school, or heavens, get married. How odd. I don't even want to think about it anymore.

This morning as I went to the Timpanogos Temple I had a moment as I drove on a road parallel with the temple. The morning sky was pitch black and the temple was there, beaming in all of its magnificent, majestic beauty. And I had the thought that all of the darkness in the world can't put out even a single drop of light, let alone the light that shines from the Temple. What a sacred house of the Lord. What a beautiful place we can go to be strengthened against the darkness of this world. We are truly blessed to have a Father in Heaven who loves us as much as He does.

OK, let's move on from my reverie.
Bentley's teeth are almost all the way in. He is such a silly boy, he loves to play with chairs and boxes and his laugh brings a smile to my face every time. He understands more and more every day. Whenever Jake does homework he feels neglected so he (Bentley) will crawl over to him and whimper. So cute. When I am cleaning, however, he will just crawl around my feet and talk, sometimes he will grab my skirt or my pants and pull on them.
This morning when I came home from the temple Bentley gave me the biggest grin and leaned toward me with his hands outstretched, he then grabbed hold of my hair and used my locks to pull himself closer to me so he could be in my arms and he could kiss my face. What a sweet little angel. I never thought I could love a person so much, but I do. I love two of them so much, my husband and my son. And you know, it doesn't sound weird to say that anymore. It sounds so natural in my mouth, feels natural and I get great joy from it.

Well, here is a cute video for ya. I hope your days are going well. :) Just keep swimming, or running, or working, or eating. Whichever makes you happiest. I think I will eat today, and run tomorrow. ;)

Love,
Courtney, just Courtney.

Above, Bentley is watching Jacob dance from behind the camera. I know I am biased, but how much cuter can you get?

October 10th 2012

Today as  Bentley and I were coming back from Walmart we passed two women walking recreationally. Bentley and I had walked to Walmart with the stroller and were on our way back with two gallons of milk, a dry cookie mix, formula and a box of day old doughnuts that we got for $1.50, how can you go wrong with doughnuts that cheap?
As the women overtook us one of them made the comment "Okay, Doughnuts while walking?" as the other woman laughed.
I had to laugh as well because I had just been about to offer them a doughnut when they passed. I said that they would be doing me a favor because I had just eaten two with Bentley's help.

As I watched the women speedwalk down the sidewalk before us I was struck by this thought:

Sometimes while enduring on the long walk back to our Father's home we give in to our temptations and sometimes eat, say, a doughnut or two before we remember the true purpose of our walk. It's okay. Repent. Toss the doughnuts in the trash and get back on the straight and narrow way. God knew that sometimes we would be distracted by the sprinkles and the gooey chocolatey-ness and that we would need reminders and a little bit of forgiveness.

Like losing weight, however, when you do fall off the wagon, or decide to indulge in a little bit of butter, yeast, glucose and suuuugar, all the things that are bad for you, it's not so easy to just fix your life and be back to where you were before you ate that horrible treat, you have to repent which takes turning away from the sin, mastering your self control and burning off the calories, water weight and even fat you may have gained from it. Or, in a more straight forward way: Repentance isn't easy, it requires hard work, a broken heart and a contrite spirit. On the bright side, once you repent you will feel the Love of the Lord and you will feel good about yourself and your decisions.

Yesterday as I was doing Activity days with the 10 and 11 year old girls we collected donations from Pennies by the Inch! I was so impressed and delighted with the willingness of the girls to serve, in fact, they were practically BEAMING with joy as they went from house to house getting money for children at Primary Children's Hospital whose parents cannot afford their treatment. One of the girls loudly exclaimed "This is Fun!" and when it was time to finish the same girl mourned "But we just got out here," I am so impressed with the beautiful, sweet spirits of the youth of the church. They are so wonderful! And the most beautiful thing about it was that as the girls knocked on doors they were doing service to the elderly people in the neighborhood, they were giving them an opportunity to be charitable, AND brightening their day by visiting them. 

Anyway, here's my Bentley update:

Bentley is much more talkative this week, I hung up pictures of the Temple and of Jesus in Bentley's room and he just stared at the picture of the savior. At first he pulled away as if I was going to hand him to the picture and then he touched it. He's so sweet. 

His second tooth is coming in rapidly and hopefully he will be happier now!

Against Tyler's advice we switched baby formula on Bentley and he has been such a gassy boy! But, fortunately for us, it doesn't seem to be affecting him other than little toots here and there. 

Today Bentley has has two naps. One at 10:30 for 1 hour and another one at 3:30. :) This is part of an operation I am carrying out so that he will sleep longer at night. Let's pray that it works.