How to be happy~

I have been thinking a lot lately about my son's newest habit. He loves to find joy in EVERYTHING. Doors open and close, you can go up AND down stairs, a trampoline is bouncy and puddles are fun to splash in. What I love about this new found joy is that he isn't content to experience it himself. After enjoying the activity once or twice (without fail) it suddenly occurs to him that EVERYONE should love this activity. A whole new world of happiness and love opens up in his little heart and he grabs the nearest person (usually mom) and says, "Come here!"

Reading with Mom

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I will follow after my son's example and invite you all to "Come here," so I can share something wonderful with you too.

When I lived in Alabama I worked at a nursing home. It was the first time I had lived outside of a predominately Mormon community and I was not prepared for the opposition that some organizations and individuals give to those of my faith. Well, I worked with a man who was very against The "Mormons" and during my lunch break one day he instigated a discussion with me about how Joseph Smith wasn't a prophet and the Book of Mormon wasn't true. Me, I was surprised and taken aback and like any person backed into a corner I went on the offensive.
I will never forget the man's reaction when I boldly said, that I knew Joseph Smith was a prophet of God and that the Book of Mormon is the Word of God and I had read it and He should too. And I held up my Book of Mormon for him to read it.

His eyes went HUGE and he said "No thank you!" and He bolted from the room.

At this same nursing home people were always asking me, "Why are you so happy?" I was asked in many different ways but it usually boiled down to this question.

My answer to you is: Because I know that the Gospel was restored on this earth. I have read the Book of Mormon and it is the word of God. God has a living prophet on the earth and He teaches us God's will. And I encourage all of you to read the Book of Mormon and reread it! And when you are done pray and ask God. As it says in the Bible:

James 1:5
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not and it shall be given him.

And you will have this promise found in the Book of Moroni

Moroni 10: 3-5
3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.

 4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

 5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

I invite you to read the Book of Mormon. Pray about it. Find out for yourself if it is true. I testify to you that it IS true. You will feel the spirit of God testifying to you in your heart.  "But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right." D&C 9:8.  I can testify of this because I have already done this thing. Read the Book of Mormon. It will bring you closer to God than any other book. The Book of Mormon does not invalidate the Bible. It is a companion to the Bible and they will confirm one another.

I promise you these things in the name of my Lord and Master, Jesus Christ.


  If you have questions, please let me know, or Ask the Missionaries, they can help you.

Courtney

The Headstone

I know the blog has been stagnating here. Today I break my silence.

I want to take one more moment to express my gratitude to all of those people both here in Utah and outside of Utah for their kindness and compassion and their generosity toward our family over this last year. It's difficult to explain the feelings and emotions that we have felt as a family--and continue to feel at times. 

Nearly four months ago my daughter Brooklyn was born. A little over three months ago she died. We are a student family and we don't have much, but what we had to give was hers. And I can't thank everyone enough for making it possible for our family to give Brooklyn the best that we could afford as our parting gift. Without the meals and the selfless donations to our family there is no way we could have paid for all of her expenses. Without family, I don't know that I could have done a lot of what I did. And I know that I couldn't have done any of it without my Heavenly Father. "If He leads you to it, He will lead you through it!"

I guess up until recently I didn't think it would be hard to see other babies. I was wrong. It is easy when I see babies. When I see them grow and progress, however, I feel a little pain in my heart. When I see siblings playing together or I figure out the difference in age between siblings and realize they are close in age like my children would have been, or I go to costco and the cart has a seat for two children. I know I'm just bleeding my heart a little bit, but sometimes I just need an outlet for some of my sad feelings. I tell myself that I don't have issues with fertility, I could have another baby--but that baby isn't Brooklyn. And I know that I will get her back. I know I'm just letting the sad things get me down but I am so homesick today.  I am so happy that the headstone is in and I am done with the whole process. It is all finished...but my heart aches a little.

I look at all the pictures we took and my heart just...sings. I'm so grateful I got that time with her. I can't wait until I can have more. Its just so hard to wait. I'm secretly hoping the next baby will come and fill the void--just a little bit. Bentley does most of the time, but I yearn for more children. I know many women understand this feeling, probably more so than I do, but I miss my little Brooklyn. And I want to feel excited and happy and care for other children.

With time.

Anyway, sorry about the ramble. :) Life really is good, I'm so happy the headstone is in, It is absolutely gorgeous and you guys made it happen. Thank you so much. I know Brooklyn doesn't care about what she is buried in or what her headstone looks like but I think they are absolutely beautiful. Thank you thank you thank you.

Keep the faith,


Courtney

Tender Mercies

Today I went to the cemetery--again. I've been diligently keeping my eye out for Brooklyn's headstone. It wasn't there. As Bentley and I were walking around a young woman, probably not much older than me, got out of her car and walked over to the Angel garden where my angel is sleeping. She was perusing the headstones casually. I asked her if one of the babies were hers. Turns out, her baby is buried up north, but she was looking for ideas for her child's headstone.
I won't disclose the conversation that we had because it was very sacred to me. To share, just for a small moment, the grief of another woman's pain. Our daughters left this world within close proximity to one another, only I knew before hand and I had her longer. It was so interesting to look at this woman, so sad, yet hopeful. The way she spoke, so soft, subdued, looking at the ground. It was like seeing a mirror of myself.

I don't feel like that girl anymore.

I hope I will never forget my experience in the Angel Garden. I hope that, like my Brooklyn, I was able to be an angel in her time of need. I called the monument company again :). Brooklyn's stone has been cut and placed in cement, we should see it placed in the ground within the next week supposing the weather stays clear.