A few words on Loss and dealing with it

It's so strange how loss can creep up on you at basically any given moment. It's like, a whole week of good, positive feelings and then BAM! And you can just feel that pit in your chest and the burning behind your eyes. Today at the grocery store I happened to see a woman I used to know. She was with her family and I stopped by to say Hi when this strange look came over her face. I had two lightning fast thoughts back to back. 1. I wonder if she's still uncomfortable about that one thing that happened in our neighbor hood and 2. She knows about Brooklyn--or does she know about Brooklyn? Now, I don't speak for the general populace of people who have lost a loved one but for me, sometimes I have feelings of...shame. And it's so silly to put it that way but I don't have any other way of explaining it. It's almost like...I have this gaping wound where everyone can see it but only some people actually look at it. And when they look right at it and I know they are looking at it I feel a mixture of sadness for the cause of the wound, embarrassment for the other person's discomfort and shame that they are seeing something so intensely personal and I did not give them permission to see it. 

My cousin made some comments today. He is having a rough time right now and his family is just...falling apart. I apologize if any involved parties read this and have hurt feeling about that comment, but it's just so tragic. He commented that everything is so fake and that people just pretend that everything is fine and happy. Now, I have no idea how everyone must be feeling but sometimes it's true. Sometimes we do fake the happy. No one wants to air out their dirty laundry where everyone can see it. No one wants to feel everyone's eyes on their wide open wounds. Even if they are healing. It's ugly and raw and sad. 

I do want to say that not everyone is fake. Not everyone just puts on a show all the time. Sometimes we do it to shield loved ones from unnecessary pain. Sometimes we do it to keep ourselves together. But for all those of you who are going through a difficult time. It's okay to feel sadness. It's okay to feel frustrated. It's okay to feel anger and pain. It's natural to feel these things. And it's okay to talk to other people. You don't have to fake a smile all the time. It's more than okay to sit down with a friend and say, "You know what? I'm having a really bad day. Things aren't going so well." sharing your burden with others can be a very cathartic and therapeutic experience. Sometimes it helps just to work through the craziness in your head and say it out loud. Sometimes that friend is the answer to our most private and sacred prayers. 

No matter how you slice it, everyone is going through a hard time. No matter what it is. If you assume that everyone is experiencing a crisis, you will be right 50 % of the time. You can't fix it. Don't try. It will be awkward, it will be uncomfortable. Just do what you feel is right. If you want to acknowledge it, do, if you don't, don't. Just show love to everyone you meet. You never know what healing is under way, or what hurts are fresh and painful. Everyone needs a smile. Everyone needs a laugh. And everyone needs a friend.

And for those of you who are suffering and cannot find relief through friends or books or music or anything else, turn to God. He will heal you through the atonement of His son. 

God loves you and nothing will ever change that love. Nothing.

Courtney