The Holidays!

Merry Christmas!
It has been almost an entire month since my last post. I finally have my camera up and running, and I finally have pictures to post.
We are visiting in Alabama and it has been...a little crazy, to say the least, but it has been fun.
Bentley is 10 months old this month! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?
Well, believe it or not, my little baby is becoming a boy.

Here's his ten month photo, we left his Zebra in Utah so he's in the bath tub. His hair is sticking up due to Bananas. Enough said.
This month has been full of growth! Bentley's hair is growing back in from when it broke off as a new born and he is getting so tall! He went from standing to taking steps to walking and now he walks everywhere. He's getting pretty fast and it's so cute to watch him toddle back and forth from foot to foot.
Bentley's personality has grown too. He is a bundle of joy and exuding love. He gives hugs and kisses, babbles constantly and screams with delight when he sees me. His hands start waving and he squeals and makes a beeline for my legs.
He still only talks baby sounds but he can tell you exactly what you need:
He waves Hello, and Goodbye
He asks you to pick him up by raising his hands high into the air
He points where he wants to go and waves bye bye to places when he wants to leave
If he doesn't want what you are feeding him he sticks out his tongue like he might gag and lets the food just sit there
and the whole time he babbles as if everything he says makes perfect sense and we all understand him. He is having so much fun playing with all the kids and finds them fascinating. While fun and carefree, he does however know how to assert himself when he decides he wants a toy. It's always a very quiet act, but decisive. He reaches over and grabs the toy, from the ground, from the castle, even from his cousin hands.

 Bentley loves his Grandma, his Papa, his Auntie Sara the most, but he loves everyone else too. :) Here's a picture of Bentley playing with Auntie sara when she had the flu. Everyone got it for 24 hours except Grandma Miller, Bentley's Uncle's Mom. She held out to the end.

Jake loves being in Alabama. He's got Oreos and Snickers and Jello Pie and really couldn't be happier. Here's a picture of Bentley with his cousin. They are six months apart but his cousin is wearing 2T clothing! He is so big! Bentley's got lots of catching up to do in the size department. They play so nicely together. It's really cute.

Jake finished up his semester with two A's and one A-. We are SO PROUD OF HIM!!!! Way to go! Semester one is OVER! Semester two starts soon and Jake will have his big test. He's going to do great. We're enjoying this time of relaxation, going on dates, taking naps, we have to store up all this quality time and rest before we get back to crunch time. Jake is researching on his break so that he will be prepared to go back to school. :D Life is good here, everyone.
We celebrated a wonderful Christmas and the Miller family put on a wonderful Christmas program with the children about the birth of the Savior and we all sang songs about his birth. :D I know it's a day late, but Merry Christmas! May the spirit of Christmas, and thereby, the spirit of Christ, be with you all year round!


Love,

Our Family

Thankful

Last night, whilst dreaming I had my very own "It's a Wonderful Life" moment. I'll spare you the juicy details, but it suffices to say that at the end of the dream I was frantic. I knew exactly where I wanted to be and who I wanted to be with but I was unable to think of a way to get there. I kept thinking 'how did I get myself into this mess' kind of thoughts, looking for a way out when suddenly it dawned on me that nothing was permanent and the changes I had made in my life could be reversed with grief, but a very small amount. I became so grateful and thought quickly of all the ways I could fix it, someone could come get me. It wasn't too late.

 At this time I awoke to the sounds of my son babbling in his crib.  It was such a sweet and welcome sound, I had never been more happy to be woken up at 5:50 in the morning. I gave my husband a tight hug and practically skipped up the stairs to get Bentley.

I've always wondered how that would feel, to suddenly lose the thing or the person--or people who are most important to you in your life and then to wake up and suddenly have them restored. Now I know. It was such a vivid dream...I really thought it was reality. And how grateful I am that it was not, today I am just thankful.
I'm full of gratitude for each babble, each giggle and every little smile Bentley gives me, I enjoyed cleaning my house so my husband could come home to a clean kitchen and front room and I am incredibly grateful for a man who loves deeply, listens attentively and has never been anything but patient with me. Bentley's birth aside, the day I married Jake was the happiest day of my life and the best decision I have ever been blessed to make.

 Thank You, Sweet Heart. 

                              


As I contemplate how grateful I am to have this special gift of gratitude I think about the lesson we had yesterday in Activity days. It was on the Christmas spirit and what gifts we are going to give others, and the Savior.
President Monson reccommended we give obedience and that we will cease to be contentious and quarrelsome.
:) I'm still thinking about my gift to the savior, but I'm starting to have an idea of what the Lord would want most from me.

                           What are you giving to the Lord this Christmas? 
Come worship at his feet.
Think of the baby Jesus in his manger.
Think of the Christ Child with so much to do before him.
He is Mighty to Save.
He is our Savior.

:) Merry Christmas everyone.  Let December begin.

Bentley

Look at my little man, almost nine months and acting like a toddler. This last week has been quite an adventure here at our house. Bentley got his first real fever, it went up crazy fast from 101.1 to 103, peaking at 104. I did everything I could think of to help him stay comfortable, I applied damp towels to his head and neck (which went over very well ;) )  put his damp socks on, stripped him down, gave him a bath and we cuddled to a movie, which worked well until fell asleep and then he would wake up whimpering. Since then we have had a difficult time sleeping. Last night he woke up at 740, 940,1230,330, I went back down stairs at 440 and he got me up at 630. It's a good thing he's so cute. We went to the doctor for his 9 mo well-baby check up and they checked his fever, though it did more harm than good, riled him up, made him cry, gagged him with a tongue suppressor and I had to come back the next day after his fever subsided to get some vitamins, which is a long 40 minute drive both ways ha ha. Not that I'm complaining. I actually like our new doctor, he doesn't seem to evade questions or make things up, he tells me if he doesn't know what's up and he answers me as straightforwardly as he can. I just wish they were closer.

As I look at the above picture I see so much of his father in him, I still can't see any resemblance to me, which is fine, but he's just so adorable, a teeny tiny Jacob. He's usually pretty calm in his temperament, I think he gets his enthusiasm from me, if anything. He probably also gets his temper from me. We're both working on it. Although, usually, his wick is pretty slow, like his dad.

Speaking of his dad, we celebrated his birthday on Thursday. He had lots of schoolwork to do, which is rare for a Thursday, so I brought him some olive garden for lunch. We watched Merlin, opened presents and enjoyed some Oreo frosted cake. Bentley's favorite part was playing with dad's wrapping paper after it was off his gifts.

Bentley is also starting to point with his hand,  he points at the picture of Jesus, and he points at the mirror and he points in a room when I turn off the light. He recognizes names too. I can ask him "Where's Daddy?" and he will look for him, albeit rather non-aggressively, if he can't see him right away, he will stop looking. He will look for Daddy, Mommy and Jesus.  He knows that last one pretty well because the picture is above our mantle for the Holiday season especially and every time he sees it he wants me to address it. His eyes get big and he watches the picture and he looks at me, then he looks back at the picture. A few days ago we sang "I lived in Heaven" while in the living room and at the Savior's name Bentley looked up at the picture. Atta boy!

He likes a new song "Head shoulders knees and toes," and he has learned how to correctly clap, so now he can help do the motions of "Patty Cake"--though the rolling and the pulling are a bit confusing to him. He likes the songs "I love to see the Temple", "I hope they call me on a mission," "The army of Helaman" and "Love is spoken here" I think it's called, and we sing them at night when he is going to sleep. We read Good night moon every night and he won't take any other book. The other night, he even crawled to the bath, stood up and looked back at me like "Okay, I'm ready for a bath mom,".  Oh, and the Toilet is the coolest invention, in his opinion, he is fascinated by it! I can't believe he is getting so big. The Dr. was very impressed with Bentley's cognitive and physical development, said he was very advanced for his age. :) which is exciting and also kind of sad. haha. Slow down, Baby!

Okay, well, this week we are going to meet my brother's Girlfriend at a family dinner and we are having Thanksgiving at my Parent's, then it's three weeks away or 23 days until we come out to see you. We are excited! Have a great day! We're thinking of you!

Courtney, Bent and Jacob.

Halloween, Babies and Books

This Halloween we did nothing. We turned off all the lights, holed up in the upstairs room and watched movies while Jacob did his homework, but, a few nights before we made sure to watch Nightmare Before Christmas while carving pumpkins. We did Jake's Pumpkin King (on right) and My Zombie wife(on left). We were asked by several people if we would take Bentley, and I just laughed inside, thinking "Right, and have everyone look at me like I'm a candy moocher?" pshhht, I don't think so. Next year, though, for sure.

And I apologize in advance for the next picture, I look horrid, but look how funny Bentley looks. I don't know where he learned how to do that. SOCUTE.

 We were watching a TV show, and Bentley just decided to kick back, he had his mom, his apple, his tv. What a life.

And here he is looking out the window, though to be honest, he is smiling about the camera, he didn't really care for the snow.

Spending time with his Zebra.

A Beary cute baby.

And, my favorite: Child who eats frosting.

Today starts the official NaNoWriMo, which stands for National November Writers Month (for those of you not obsessed with literary hobbies) and I feel a strong desire to write. It could happen at a more inconvenient time either. I want to work on my class and study for the ACT and become financially savvy and learn how to do so many things to make me a more valuable asset as a wife and mother---and then I saw the announcement on Facebook. Ugh. I need to quit facebook, I just need to do it. Now I'm torn, do I give in to my apathetic laziness and just write, write, write, every spare moment Bentley is asleep and Jake is doing homework? At one point in my life, perhaps that would have been acceptable, but ugh! Right now? It seriously had to be this month!?

Well, wish everyone good luck for me,  people will be at their computer all day and all night trying to write 50,000 words in one month, it's quite the feat. Maybe i'll just be the next JK Rowling. Only, I'll go by:

Williams, C. L.

I think that sounds pretty cool. I could even drop the s on Willams and be

William C. L.

;) make me more marketable, right? Hah.

Anyway, Bentley is getting big. He's got the cutest personality. He is starting to explore the house, but he gets frustrated that Mom and Dad can move so much faster than he can, if you leave the room, he will whimper and cry and try to follow you as fast as he can. He is quick to learn tricks like "Touch Down" or "So BIG!" and he loves to listen to animal sounds. He likes any toy (bag, fabric) that makes a crackling sound and has no interest in touch and feel books. And he could take bottles all day long AND baby food and still have room in his stomach for whatever you are eating.  He doesn't like chicken noodle soup or macaroni and cheese baby foods, but he loves oatmeal and applesauce, fruit, rice, chicken, you name it. And forget bottles, when it comes to water, it had better be in a cup. Bentley likes to watch other children, and seems to think that they speak a different language than us adults. Whenever he sees a kid, he sucks in air into his throat and it almost sounds like a hiccup or a lizard, and he gives them a big grin. He'll follow them around and try to pull their hair and squish their faces (we are still working on his people skills) OH and his favorite place to play is in the master bathroom's shower. He loves the door, he loves the drain and he loves the water running down the glass and when he showers he is always turning about to bang on the walls and put his fingers in the drain (which is really gross, if you ask me). My little man is getting so big! SOOOO BIG.

We'll see you all soon, sorry this post is kind of all over the place, Bentley was up a lot last night and I didn't get the sleep I wanted. :) Bye!

Love

Today  as I was reading in the Holy Bible, in the Book of John, Chapter 3, verse 18 I came across a very interesting scripture.
Now, before you look it up and before I comment on it I want to rewind a little bit.

I have been wondering lately why it is SO DIFFICULT to make friends, and not just that, but why, in a city full of members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints is it so hard for ME to find a friend. At first I thought it was because everyone 'fakes it until they make it' but as I read this scripture it suddenly came to me. The scripture reads as follows:

"My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue only* ; but in deed and in truth."

* see the New King James Bible, Joseph Smith Translation in the foot note.

It occurred to me that verbally, I am a very gushy person. I gush about how much I love so-and-so and I am so happy to see them and I would love to stop by some time, blah blah... and outwardly we are all very friendly, but perhaps the issue is with me (since I am the only one that I can really judge and change, let's look at me). Even though I tell people that I love them and I care for them, doesn't mean that I am really caring for them. There is a woman in my ward who has really inspired me. When she talks to people, she uses their name, she lights up, she is interested in their life and asks specific questions, she doesn't say "Oh, I love you so much!" But her actions, her smile, her eyes, they all say how much she loves and cares for them.

When you love someone it's not enough to say, "I love you," but you have to show it as well. I can't say, "I love you, Jake" and then ignore him all day, sit around and do nothing and let my house fall into progressive filthiness. He would feel very unloved!

I would say that it is the same with all of God's children. It's not enough to express the desire to be around someone or, care and concern for those that you visit each month, but you need to be actively thinking about their happiness and well being, rejoicing when they rejoice, mourning with them as they mourn, and sometimes, as necessary, showing up unexpectedly and performing a good deed.

Oops. My baby just woke up. I have to go get him, he's been screaming at me lately, experts say it's because I don't give him enough attention. Le sigh. :) So it's back to being a mom. Next time I write, I'll write in the evening so I can put more stories of Bentley, a few pictures and a video.

We love you!

Hope you all feel better soon!

Courtney

Nostalgia

For the past few days I have have suffered with a dreadful ache in my chest. I feel my heart longing for home, oddly enough. Don't get me wrong, I love my house where I live, it is beautiful and spacious and I couldn't ask for a better home or neighborhood, but still, I long for the one bedroom apartment in Alabama that Jake and I made our very first home. I long for the spirit of that home, the feeling that it was mine and Jacob's and it was our own life and I long for the furniture that cost us 15 bucks collectively. I miss the TV stand, watching The Office after a long twelve hour shift at the hospital. I miss lunches with Sara and Machiel, I miss Sunday dinners with the Williams and the Miller families. I miss Papa and his ridiculous peanuts, and Angela and her sweet smile. I miss talking books with Derek and Kelli and hearing Tyler's off to the side inanimate object jokes. Most of all, despite the horrid weather and the eerie sound of the tornado sirens I miss the pouring rain and the crazy wind and the minute mountain that is Alabama. (I miss all the babies too)
I don't think I could adequately describe the feelings that I have about the video above, where we lived in a house with no previous memories or habits associated with, on our way to start our family that we decided to have on our own, in our own little home, making our own little life together. I will always treasure that time, even though we had too much furniture and no room, I smacked my head on the refrigerator door and even though I was in Alabama I still had to scrape my windows.
I believe no matter where I am I will miss where I have been. There are pros and cons to every place you live, every stage of life. I thought the other day what it would be like to suddenly wake up, as if in one of those movies, and suddenly be single again with the knowledge that I had once had Jacob and Bentley. Even the thought brought tears to my eyes. I think in my movie I would be obsessed with finding a way back to my husband and my son, I couldn't bear it. Even for a day. I can trade houses and schools and jobs and friends and weather, but I would never trade my family.
I can hardly believe as I look back on my life that it has already been nearly a year since we shot this video-- a night of no sleep. Ha ha. The night our lives changed again, miraculously and forever. I can only try to imagine what it must be like to bring other children into a home or see your child go on a date for the first time, or school, or heavens, get married. How odd. I don't even want to think about it anymore.

This morning as I went to the Timpanogos Temple I had a moment as I drove on a road parallel with the temple. The morning sky was pitch black and the temple was there, beaming in all of its magnificent, majestic beauty. And I had the thought that all of the darkness in the world can't put out even a single drop of light, let alone the light that shines from the Temple. What a sacred house of the Lord. What a beautiful place we can go to be strengthened against the darkness of this world. We are truly blessed to have a Father in Heaven who loves us as much as He does.

OK, let's move on from my reverie.
Bentley's teeth are almost all the way in. He is such a silly boy, he loves to play with chairs and boxes and his laugh brings a smile to my face every time. He understands more and more every day. Whenever Jake does homework he feels neglected so he (Bentley) will crawl over to him and whimper. So cute. When I am cleaning, however, he will just crawl around my feet and talk, sometimes he will grab my skirt or my pants and pull on them.
This morning when I came home from the temple Bentley gave me the biggest grin and leaned toward me with his hands outstretched, he then grabbed hold of my hair and used my locks to pull himself closer to me so he could be in my arms and he could kiss my face. What a sweet little angel. I never thought I could love a person so much, but I do. I love two of them so much, my husband and my son. And you know, it doesn't sound weird to say that anymore. It sounds so natural in my mouth, feels natural and I get great joy from it.

Well, here is a cute video for ya. I hope your days are going well. :) Just keep swimming, or running, or working, or eating. Whichever makes you happiest. I think I will eat today, and run tomorrow. ;)

Love,
Courtney, just Courtney.

Above, Bentley is watching Jacob dance from behind the camera. I know I am biased, but how much cuter can you get?

October 10th 2012

Today as  Bentley and I were coming back from Walmart we passed two women walking recreationally. Bentley and I had walked to Walmart with the stroller and were on our way back with two gallons of milk, a dry cookie mix, formula and a box of day old doughnuts that we got for $1.50, how can you go wrong with doughnuts that cheap?
As the women overtook us one of them made the comment "Okay, Doughnuts while walking?" as the other woman laughed.
I had to laugh as well because I had just been about to offer them a doughnut when they passed. I said that they would be doing me a favor because I had just eaten two with Bentley's help.

As I watched the women speedwalk down the sidewalk before us I was struck by this thought:

Sometimes while enduring on the long walk back to our Father's home we give in to our temptations and sometimes eat, say, a doughnut or two before we remember the true purpose of our walk. It's okay. Repent. Toss the doughnuts in the trash and get back on the straight and narrow way. God knew that sometimes we would be distracted by the sprinkles and the gooey chocolatey-ness and that we would need reminders and a little bit of forgiveness.

Like losing weight, however, when you do fall off the wagon, or decide to indulge in a little bit of butter, yeast, glucose and suuuugar, all the things that are bad for you, it's not so easy to just fix your life and be back to where you were before you ate that horrible treat, you have to repent which takes turning away from the sin, mastering your self control and burning off the calories, water weight and even fat you may have gained from it. Or, in a more straight forward way: Repentance isn't easy, it requires hard work, a broken heart and a contrite spirit. On the bright side, once you repent you will feel the Love of the Lord and you will feel good about yourself and your decisions.

Yesterday as I was doing Activity days with the 10 and 11 year old girls we collected donations from Pennies by the Inch! I was so impressed and delighted with the willingness of the girls to serve, in fact, they were practically BEAMING with joy as they went from house to house getting money for children at Primary Children's Hospital whose parents cannot afford their treatment. One of the girls loudly exclaimed "This is Fun!" and when it was time to finish the same girl mourned "But we just got out here," I am so impressed with the beautiful, sweet spirits of the youth of the church. They are so wonderful! And the most beautiful thing about it was that as the girls knocked on doors they were doing service to the elderly people in the neighborhood, they were giving them an opportunity to be charitable, AND brightening their day by visiting them. 

Anyway, here's my Bentley update:

Bentley is much more talkative this week, I hung up pictures of the Temple and of Jesus in Bentley's room and he just stared at the picture of the savior. At first he pulled away as if I was going to hand him to the picture and then he touched it. He's so sweet. 

His second tooth is coming in rapidly and hopefully he will be happier now!

Against Tyler's advice we switched baby formula on Bentley and he has been such a gassy boy! But, fortunately for us, it doesn't seem to be affecting him other than little toots here and there. 

Today Bentley has has two naps. One at 10:30 for 1 hour and another one at 3:30. :) This is part of an operation I am carrying out so that he will sleep longer at night. Let's pray that it works.

Roller Coaster Ride

So this week started off with the tensity of waiting to hear about, well, everything. On Wednesday we were notified that we would be getting paid, Hooray! Then all of the sudden, BAM! We get a smackdown of medical bills from this lame hospital trip I took. How do they always know when you get money? I want to know that. Is there some kind of money alert? "Excuse me sir, it seems that Courtney and Jake just came into some money, maybe we should make up a bill for them." ANYWAY.... the letter comes stating that we owe $935. My jaw dropped. I thought, "WHY in the WORLD do we have insurance if I have to pay for everything?" Long story short, this is how my week was.
Monday: Worried
Tuesday: Anxious, thinking about getting a busier job
Wednesday: Exultant!
Thursday: Anxious
Friday: Relieved (It was really only $100, not 1,000, thankfully)

ON TOP of that, Bentley's mood has gone from smiley to upset to down right cranky. You'd think it was DEFCON 2 at my house or something whenever we try to give him medicine. I swear someone is going to bang down my door, "What are you doing to that child!?" And what's worse is that I can't do anything about it, short of putting it in his bottle--but that is if he NEEDS it when he takes his bottle. He also is then required to finish the WHOLE bottle  which is hard for him because his front, lower gum is in pain. Then he wants to be cuddled and rocked, he does NOT want the swing, he won't lay in his crib for ten minutes. It becomes a never-ending serenade of screaming.

On a happier note, yesterday we went to an Opening Social for Jacob's department. His introduction went something like this:
This is Jacob, he wants to work for Doctor Pitt, he went to UAH, dropped out after a semester and is back to option two. He wants a chemical engineering hat for christmas and he can change a 7 mo old baby's diaper in 8 seconds. There you go.

Clearly this young comedian didn't know our Jacob very well. In fact, one of Jacob's professors told him during the picture that the introduction was not good enough for the kind of man Jacob is, and I agree. It should have gone something more like this:

Jacob Williams grew up in Huntsville Alabama, where he achieved a 4.0 while participating in Football, Wrestling, Band and other extra curricular activities. He served a mission in the Germany-Munich-Austria Mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. He completed his Bachelors Degree in Chemical Engineering and, after taking a sabbatical he has returned with a beautiful family to undertake his PHD, also in Chemical Engineering. Jacob is an assiduous worker, a dedicated student and a loving husband and father. He is the highest caliber of a man that you can find! He can change his son's diaper if he's not kicking his legs or rolling over or screaming, in 8 seconds or less; and he wants nothing more than an all-sports-pass, to see his parents and a container of oreos for christmas, I'm sure a chemical engineering hat would be cool too.

Of Course that last part is a bit of a joke, but feel free to leave anything you want to add below.


Okay, well, that's enough for today, my baby is pumped full of Tylenol and actually smiling. I am going to go play with him. But here is a video that you guys requested. Enjoy!

Best news of all!? I ran ALMOST an entire mile yesterday(I had to walk for some). Be so proud of me. Be so proud.

Oh, you make me smile.

Waiting for Mommy to come home after work.

Look at how CUTE he is. Oh, what a cute little guy; he makes me laugh so hard. Here are 9 reasons for why I love this baby.

1. Bentley's new trick is bouncing on his feet. He sits down, cross-legged and then he gets excited and he starts to bounce almost as if he is going to bounce right onto his feet! He lifts himself off the ground and falls right back down.

2. Bentley is developing his own method of communication.
       a.  Coughing means "I need your attention"
       b. Clapping means "That's what I want"
       c. Crying while eating means "No more bananas, I want water"

3. Bentley will rear up like a horse before landing on his hands and feet and race/crawl toward you


4. He still really dislikes strangers and strange places. I have had to swaddle him really tight and give him a binky just to make him fall asleep. I haven't had to do that for a very long time!

5. The other night I heard bentley screaming, not just crying. It was full chested, sore throat kind of screams. I came upstairs to see what his issue was when I saw him standing up at his railing, just screaming at the door. I was so impressed! You better believe I swaddled that kid.

6. Today I discovered that he has a fear of chainsaws and, surprisingly, a sudden fear of the downstairs shower. He always likes to put his hands on the glass door and he tries to open it from the outside, but I put him in the shower today and he turned red, burst in to tears and started shaking. It was so funny to see him stare at the move-able shower head, reach out to touch a small strand of water and then start shaking and crying again. We discovered it the other day when Jake was showering with him---and we took him right out, thinking it was too hot. This time, however, it was unmistakable.

7. Today, in his pink and purple walker (long story) He stood up with minimal help and took two steps FORWARD! Usually he steps backward. Yay my little Bentley!

8. He loves his Graduate puffs! He thinks it is the neatest thing when mommy shows him how to chomp his gums on them and he gives me the biggest smile.

9. Last night at Grandma Great's house Bentley was having a hard time falling asleep. While he downed a bottle I took a soft blanket and gently rubbed it against his cheek. Bentley reached up and grabbed onto the blanket. When I let go there he was rubbing the blanket on his face by himself. Ha ha! What a cutie!

Sleepy Bentley, rubbing his face on the zebra

: ( my little buddy, you are growing up way too fast! Your mommy loves you so much! So just stop, okay!?

Sometimes I wonder if we bring trials upon ourselves unwittingly. I laugh at myself when, in the midst of a trial, I suddenly realize that the frustrations I have been experiencing appear to be a direct answer to my prayers. I don't think we often appreciate the power of prayer, but like the importunate woman story in the bible who cried at the judge all the time to avenge her, he eventually gave in. Our Father in Heaven loves us and he will not ignore us, if we ask for it and it's really important to us, he just might grant it to us. So, be careful what you pray for.
I do also believe very firmly that as we seek for the Lord's will he can influence us to ask for the things we need and then grant them to us when we finally ask for them; and he will grant us his help to overcome our trials.
While all of this is true, it doesn't make the trials any 'easier' necessarily, there is still a struggle, still a fight that must be won and lessons learned. Sometimes you must grit your teeth and stare into the devil's face and say "I will not give in to you!". Faith and belief in the midst of personal trials can be most difficult, especially when the one you doubt is yourself. In a time when there is so much that a man or woman must 'be' with several attribute lists to check off and to do lists for your temporal/spiritual life it is easy to get overwhelmed. And for some reason, being married gives you MORE reason to think about yourself than others, when I always assumed that when I was married I would have more time to care about others because I wasn't searching for a spouse. Ha ha.
In conclusion, to leave out the mundane personal details, I have discovered that sometimes things don't go the way we had hoped, financially, technologically, socially, or educationally, in order for us to realize that we need to rely on the Lord. On those eternally long days when you can't reach a friend and need a shoulder to rest on, or when you encounter other frustrations, perhaps it is because you need to turn to the Lord, he has a message for you that you are not hearing, or he just wants to make sure you are depending on him for your salvation, that you realize you cannot do it yourself. And I am grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ, that I can give him my burden and weep in his arms and be forgiven, and be strengthened and made whole.
That is what the Atonement is all about. The Savior says

 28 ¶^aCome unto me, all ye that ^blabour and are heavy laden, and I will give you ^crest.

 29 Take my ^ayoke upon you, and ^blearn of me; for I am ^cmeek and^dlowly in ^eheart: and ye shall find ^frest unto your souls.

 30 For my yoke is ^aeasy, and my burden is light.  

                                                                - Matthew 11:28-30

 He has suffered all things,

 8 The ^aSon of Man hath ^bdescended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

                                             D&C 122:8

And last of all

 7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the ^apit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the ^bdeep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to ^chedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of ^dhell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee^eexperience, and shall be for thy good.
                                       D&C 122:7


It's difficult to go through this life but if I learned anything from this past week it has been that God will support you, he will not leave you to fall when you come upon affliction. You need not unduly worry about anything. He will guard you and guide you and if you ENDURE---which I think is the most difficult part of all of the plan of salvation--through all of your difficulties and trials and are made pure and holy like unto God He will accept you into His kingdom. I know this to be true because I prayed about it and The Lord answered me. And He will answer your prayers too. Keep praying. No matter what.




And now, for the update in our family life: 

Jake is doing really well in School. It's is quite an adjustment having him gone all day, I can definitely see the appeal in watching TV all day waiting for him to come home. Bentley and I play while he's awake, and then he goes to sleep and I clean or find something to do. My hope is to start running in the mornings and to start eating healthier so my triple digit weight can become a little less large. :D 
Bentley's personality is showing through very prominently these past few weeks. He is a loving child, so happy and so smiley. He wants to be anywhere Mom and Dad are and if we leave him in the living room while we sit at the table or in the kitchen, he will come and play under our feet. Sometimes if he wants to be held he will crawl next to my feet and touch my leg with both hands. It is so cute. 
He screams for my family, any time they hold him he starts crying and screaming and it is the funniest/saddest thing ever. Though, for Donlu and Vanessa he was pretty good. I don't know what it is about the Edwards' family but for Donlu and Vanessa he just gave a sad pout and big, saucer eyes. 
Bentley also has a desire to walk. I honestly think he realizes that walking is faster than crawling.  He is always pushing up to his feet, but he lacks the strength to stand up and he definitely lacks the balance and coordination.
He is a talkative child, he just jabbers, saying 'bla, bla' or 'UH!', very emphatically. He sleeps easily in his crib and his sleep hours are only getting longer. I am preparing for when he teethes, but I am grateful for what I have now.
Today he started drinking from a sippy cup. I didn't want to spill my cup all over him so I gave him a sippy and he's drinking just fine from it. Crazy. I love my little Bentley. I will upload a video later today. I would do it now, but I have a meeting in 49 minutes that I forgot about. :) ha ha

Love you all!

Faith, Love and Charity

Welcome back! Sorry I've been gone so long, I promise I will upload some videos and some photos. A lot has happened in the past two weeks, this has been the best month of unemployment ever. : D A few weeks ago Jake and I packed up and lived out of my sister in law's house in Santaquin and we attended the Edwards Family Reunion. Lots of stuff happened, pig wrastlin', game playing, laughing, talking and eating, lots of eating. I didn't go on any of the hikes but it sounds like they had lots of fun. Then, last week Machiel came to town (Jacob's Mother for those who aren't following) and we have been shopping and gone to st.george and it has been all sorts of crazy.(Bentley is currently lying on his side, trying his hardest to grab the computer while screaming in a very high pitched voice. :D I love him.)

This week alone has been full of insights, so let me take you on my journey of self improvement and self discovery.

The first encounter with myself happened on a walk with Machiel. We were discussing events in our life and past experiences and our thoughts when we stumbled across a conversation about forgiveness. God expects us to forgive everyone. Bar NONE. We must forgive all people no matter what they have done to us or what we have PERCEIVED that they have done to us. Even if they really have done something it doesn't matter. Machiel said something to the effect that She won't let anyone keep her out of the Celestial Kingdom and, what a smart thing to say. We have to forgive everyone of all things or we cannot enter into the kingdom of God and far be it from me to allow someone to hold me back because of something petty that I think they did. We were also discussing friends and fellowshipping in our ward and neighbor hoods. We came to the conclusion that friendship is work. And perhaps, in my area one of our difficulties is that we are all nice, but only as far as we need to be. We don't put work into our relationships, we are content with what we already have and we are expected to be nice, which perhaps makes us seem insincere. Either way, Love your neighbor is the second of God's commandments and It probably WILL be the commandment that keeps many of us out of heaven. I mean, really, how well do you really love your neighbor as yourself? Your family? Strangers? People on the street? Your next door neighbor? That girl in the ward whom you don't get along with? I'm not saying it's easy, just saying it's necessary.

Two; In Corinthians 13 Paul was talking about Charity, the pure love of Christ, which of course fits perfectly with what I am learning this week. In order to love your neighbor you have to have charity. Paul says that not only is Charity the most important of the FHC trifecta but you must have charity. What is it to have charity? I quote Moroni when I say:

"45 And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things."

If I am going to be one who has charity then I need to start working on these things. This is a long laundry list of things that I am not entirely sure I possess.


The last is Faith. Having faith in God, having faith in others and in yourself. Having Faith in God is primary. You have to not only believe in him but believe him when he speaks or when he commands you. You must have faith that He put you on this earth with a purpose and that he believes in you and that He loves you. When you come to the point where you have low self esteem or you are afraid to accomplish something you must have faith that you are capable, and that you have an endless potential. And you must have faith in others, faith in you spouse, your friends, your family that they have good innately in them, that they won't let you down. And sometimes they will, but that's okay. Don't be offended, don't be afraid. Just be believing. God will take care of everything in the End. Just be full of love, charity and faith.

Courtney

An early morning post!

There is just something sacred about an early morning, the tight excitement in your chest, the fresh, clean air, the way your molecules seem to fizz with energy. And then there are breakfast foods that seem to complete the early morning experience, light, delicious foods that stimulate your brain and make you happy. Today's breakfast is strawberries, Zucchini Bread and a sliced banana. Oh, yum. Breakfast food, how I love you. On a morning like today I feel like writing, or cleaning. Whichever task I can actually dedicate myself to, although lately cleaning has won over my discarded passion. Summer seems to be speeding by, however, and I know that with the cold will come fog and ice; the winds will change and I will feel that creative desire once more. Perhaps I will even fill the pages of my notebook with beautiful sounding words.

My father said he collected 25 lbs of Zucchini from his garden consequently we have been eating zucchini stuffed, steamed and now, in bread. This is by far my most favorite version of the Italian squash. Unfortunately I did not have a cheese grater so I had to be a bit nontraditional, but after searching the internets for awhile I came across a lovely pureed Pumpkin Style Zucchini Bread . Feel free to click on the link. It was heaven. Absolute heaven. Who knew a vegetable could be so delicious.

Today my thought comes from Romans Chapter 6 verse 23

"For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus our Lord."

Sometimes I have a problem with judging others. It's true, I'm not perfect. I know. How shocking! It's not that I mean to be rude or malicious I just feel like I have to form an opinion about a person or what their are doing with their life. It always happens when I think I am open minded and accepting of others and their choices...then all of the sudden I see someone who ISN'T that way and then I get all worked up over them. The next thing I know I am neck deep in assumptions and misinformed opinions. I know that judging is a sin, as well as gossip and backbiting. So why do I do it? Not only do I have to form my own opinion but then I feel like I have to share it with someone--which is totally asinine. Good intentions or not, I have no right to share my thoughts on someone else's life with another individual. If I have a problem with someone I should talk to that person and then it should be done with.

I know I am not the only person who does that, come on, people raise your hands. Or don't. That could cause some judging and probably a little bit of gossip in and of itself.

Anyway, it is something that some people, especially myself, seems to have a problem with and it is such a vicious cycle I know I am just shoveling one shovel sized load of dirt at a time buying my way to death by the wages being dealt to me by gossiping and judging. With such imperfect practices (and that being only one of my many flaws) how in the world are we supposed to become like God?

I thank our Father in Heaven for the second part of that statement "but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus our Lord."

We are not perfect and we are going to buy a substantial amount of debt but as we strive to utilize the atonement and internalize the gospel of Jesus Christ we are given the gift of forgiveness. When we stand at the judgement bar, if we keep our covenants and remember the Savior always he will stand on our behalf to excuse the rest of our debt. There is NO WAY we can pay off our debt BY OURSELVES. Remember that next time you decide to haphazardly fling mud in someone's direction (on accident or intentionally), I certainly will. Of course, none of us are perfect, and some will have more to forgive and others less, but the important part is that we are striving for righteousness so that we CAN be forgiven. Not how big your debt is. That being said, try your best to keep your debt smaller. Ha ha.

Use the atonement in your life! Pray unto God for the strength to overcome your weaknesses and your frailties. Ask him to bless you with the healing love of the Savior and be a better person today! I promise he will help you when you need it. He helps me all the time. 

I know you will all be disappointed this week that I didn't load any pictures. I apologize that you read through my whole post and still didn't see any pictures. :D But I promise next time it will be worth it, and a girl can't come through every time. You'd get bored!

Courtney

5 months old

Cousin Madi came to stay for a few days!

Bentley's 5 month pictures

Bentley's Grandpa Sweater <3

I just couldn't help myself. What a cutie.

China Village in Lindon

 Hello Everyone!

All is sunny and bright in my section of the world--and hot! Bentley gets bigger and bigger each day and my heart just keeps growing! I love him so much  from his deep, intelligent eyes down to his teeny tiny toes and all the sweet buzzing energy in between. His little giggles fill the halls of my home and his smile is not for the faint of heart. He will melt it. Your heart, that is. Short of my sweet husband there is nothing that I love more than my sweet son.

We excitedly await Machiel's visit in August and the Family Reunion that is coming up. Jacob's last day at work is in 8 days and School is a month away from today, actually. Jacob is so excited. He has his books, he's signed up for classes and he talks all the time about the change in our gas usage while he drives to and from Provo. Today he informed me that he has 4 more truck nights and then he is done. Ha ha.

This week I was reading in the book of Acts and I was reading about the horrible persecution that the apostles went through in their travels. And at one point they were beaten and threatened never to speak of the doctrine again. When they were set free I was really touched by their actions, I even laughed. They immediately thanked God for delivering them and prayed that he would bless them with boldness concerning with sharing the doctrine. They said they were happy to be persecuted in his name.

I really had to think about this one. I love that they are threatened and then just say  "help us be more bold and share the gospel!" I laughed. It was just so...honest. So fresh and so full of faith. I thought, "wow, why can't I be more like that?" The Lord has said that we shouldn't fear man who can kill the body but afterward can do no more, so why should I fear the opinions and judgments of others? In our day there is little violence against the Lord's saints (up until this point at least) but even if there was violence. The body can be broken but the spirit cannot be touched. They cannot affect my eternal salvation, only I can, and most importantly, the gospel of Jesus Christ is wonderful, glorious news and we are meant to share it with others, it is our duty, our obligation, our sacred gift. Anyway, so as you guys go about your day remember that you are children of God and anything you go through will be for your good. Be proud to be a servant of God.

Dare to be a mormon
Dare to stand alone
Dare to have a purpose firm
Dare to make it known.

:D

Well, that's all for today. I uploaded lots of pictures and I hope they will do for now. We miss you guys in Alabama so much! I can't wait until I get to see you all again!


<3
Our beautiful little family

Bath time with Daddy!