~Some personal thoughts~

I went to pick out a baby shower gift today for a dear friend who is having a girl. Her daughter's name will be Alice. What a cute name! I never would have thought to pick something so simple. There is beauty in simplicity, but there is also beauty in complexity too.

This week has been a little harder than most. Perhaps it will always be a hard week when I get to see my little girl rather than just feel her in my belly. It's not always easy to remember the eternal when you have the mortal experience sitting right in front of your eyes. Just when I think I have a grasp on the eternal perspective and am willing to submit to the Lord's will something will happen and suddenly my rebellious heart cries out, "this is not how it is supposed to be! It's not right!". And then there all those people, who mean well, when they tell me that there is still a chance for her to be healed and that I shouldn't give up hope--that it's okay for me to want to cling to her life so jealously.

I now feel like I understand in the tiniest degree what the scriptures mean when it says that "Yet it pleased the Lord to ^abruise him; he hath put him to grief." I am not the Savior and I would never imagine that I could understand what He went through. But in the tiniest way I know that although God understands the pain I am going through, it pleases him to watch me grow and He knows that through this experience that there will be happiness.

All of that being said. I do have faith that God could heal Brooklyn. I've been over that before in previous posts. I know it's not wrong to have a hope that He will. What is so frustrating to me is that in that moment when we are coveting the life that she might have we turn away our faith from the Lord's great and eternal plan of happiness. The warm blanket of comfort that surrounds me retreats then and I am free to feel the anguish and, sometimes the anger, that comes with the pain of my trial. I know God can heal my daughter. I have no doubt. I also know that if she is not healed, then all the more glorious for us because she will be in the Celestial Kingdom. Why would I want to keep her from those wonderful blessings that she has earned?

 I know I'm not the only one who is going through this pain of the spirit at the idea--or the experience--of losing a loved one...but some days it sure feels like it. Today as I picked out my gift for my friend it felt like a deep bruise. Each time I looked upon something adorable for her little girl to wear, it was like someone was pushing on my bruise. It pleaseth him to bruise me, but He knows I will come out stronger for it. He knows that when I am reunited with her and all of my family that we will be filled with joy that we cannot comprehend at this time. I echo the words of Nephi

 "And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have ^atrusted."

We are all imperfect beings striving to live a perfect life like our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He knows that we can't do that, but He asks us to trust Him, to have faith in Him and to believe that The Father created a plan for us. They know every hair on our head and every hidden emotion in our hearts. I know this with all of my heart because as I have prayed for strength and prayed for the healing balm of Christ to be applied I have felt the warmth and comfort of a loving Father and His Son.  

28 ¶^aCome unto me, all ye that ^blabour and are heavy laden, and I will give you ^crest.

 29 Take my ^ayoke upon you, and ^blearn of me; for I am ^cmeek and^dlowly in ^eheart: and ye shall find ^frest unto your souls.

 30 For my yoke is ^aeasy, and my burden is light.

Of these things I testify in His name, even the name of Jesus Christ.