Brooklyn, Bentley and Being Pregnant

This is how Mommy feels at the end of the day. Frazzled, but still smiling. Mostly.

Tomorrow is March 1st! In Baby Calendar days I am 6 months and 4 days along. it's kind of crazy to me that in 3 months and 10 days (103) days I will be a mother for the second time.  Brooklyn's kicks grow stronger every day, and sometimes she can be pretty active. Well, active for my children is different than say, my neighbor's children. I happen to have had an anterior placenta both pregnancies, so, I really don't get to feel all that much. It just makes all of the kicks and whirls that I do feel a little more special to me.

Our next appointments are this next week. We have an appointment with the OBGYN and then we have Bentley's 12 month visit, followed immediately after by the Peri-Natologist. So we get to see Brooklyn again in a week. We should get to see her once every month until delivery. I am hoping that they will be able to print off ultrasound pictures this time since the CD they gave me was a total bust. *Sigh* and they had such a good picture of her profile too! I think I will also ask them about a 3D ultrasound. I will probably have to pay out of pocket for that, but it might be worth it to me. We shall see.

The face that no one else really sees on Bentley's angel face. Mischief!

My belly is getting bigger and it is getting harder and harder to pick Bentley up or roll over in bed or squat. I hate squatting. Nothing good ever comes of it. It's almost worse than sneezing! Bentley touched my belly today. Ha ha. I pulled my shirt up to look at my belly and Bentley put both his hands on it and started laughing. It was rather funny, I thought. What a surprise it will be when my belly suddenly disappears. Although, my nesting instincts are forcing me to rearrange my house and I'm not really sure Bentley notices big changes like that. Only whether or not he has Mom's full attention. Little stinker.

Anyway, as I was saying... My sister is having her baby very soon. They are referring to him as "Baby Ricky" until the baby is born. I'm excited to meet him. The closer everyone is getting to giving birth, the more excited I feel. Babies, babies everywhere! It's kind of crazy. My friend is having a girl and my sister is having a boy and I am having a girl and I'm sure six or seven other women are having babies just around the corner from me. It must be world re-populating season. It's practically an epidemic ;).

After march I have two weddings and a visit from my sister and then the day will practically be upon me. I keep thinking about the day I gave birth to Bentley, and the next day, relaxing with him, talking to him, enjoying his faces and his little noises. I remember that surge of love that I felt every time I touched him. I am looking forward to that feeling. I don't know how long I will have Brooklyn, it's just a fact of life at this moment. I know God could extend her life, make her healthy, whatever he wished. And if death were the end of it and I would never see her again, I think I would be pleading for her life every single day, every minute, begging for a chance to see her grow.

It's not the end, however. I know that there is much more to life after we die and that I will see her again. I know that her mission must be a great mission in Heaven and that the Lord is only giving Brooklyn and Bentley to us so we can raise them. They are not "mine", only mine to love and nurture and teach--and frankly, I wouldn't want her to live in her body as it is now. She will receive a body and it will be perfected and I will get to spend all of the lost minutes with her in the Millennium.

I don't pretend to be able to comprehend how I might feel when she truly has left me, but I will keep praying for that brightness of hope that the Lord has promised us.

Until that day when Brooklyn goes home to the God that has given her life, I want to enjoy every kick and every flutter. I hope I do get to see her body as it is in this world so that I can kiss her and hug her and introduce her to Bentley and Jacob. God willing, it will happen.

There are days when I am sad and moments when my heart is breaking, but when I remember why we are here and for what purpose she needs her body I can honestly smile.Right now I just feel excited.

Life is great! I have a wonderful husband who is good to me and who is honest and trustworthy and provides for my family and I have a beautiful son. We live in a beautiful home and have great friends and family and we have the gospel of Jesus Christ. We are truly blessed and richer than kings.

I heard something on a video I watched today. The interviewer, while speaking of children who have passed away referred to a scripture:

"And a little child shall lead them"---what better reason to keep the commandments and strive to return to our Father in Heaven than to see my little Brooklyn again? Indeed, my little child is already leading us.