Sorry I haven't posted anything, I DID start a post a few days ago but I got distracted and had to come back to it. I will not be posting it now. I can't believe that there are only 16 days left (after today) It really is happening now. I can feel that Brooklyn is dropping, I am almost 100% sure that she has dropped and is preparing to come into the world. This week she's been very active, sticking her feet out, sticking her elbow out or her knee and she's so small that when I push on her she just turns her whole body or disappears completely, bobbing to the bottom of my uterus and bouncing right back up to hit my hand. It makes me laugh. It also makes me grateful.
Throughout this pregnancy, especially the last couple of months Brooklyn has really manifested her personality. She is a calm, quiet child, much like Bentley was in the womb, but she is very aware of her mother. Whenever I begin to worry that she may have already returned to her maker she gets the hiccups or she starts to move and I feel at ease. When we talk about her or when we are in church--or at the holy Temple of God she will say hi and communicate with me. In those sacred moments I feel very close to her.
Today I am grateful for Brooklyn. She has brought so many things to our family, love, joy, heartache, sadness, pain, rejoicing, eternity, the spirit. She is simply too good for this world.
I had a sacred experience with a family member that I will not share here, but I will share my insights from that experience. When we talk of perfection we often speak of things that are flawless and beautiful, things as we believe that they should be--whole. I realized in a moment of stillness, a moment of listening, that while this may be true as well, some things are meant to be "imperfect" by those standards. Some things are unique.
Brooklyn's body is imperfect and broken in many ways but because of her "imperfections" she is perfect and beautiful to me. Her body wasn't formed this way by accident, it was formed this way by a loving Heavenly Father who understands the plans for her. He has a different plan, a different vision for her. A different kind of perfection. And who are we to balk?
I'll admit, the prospect of losing a child is still a very melancholy thought. It's bittersweet to think about something so beautiful "going the way of all the earth". Even harder when I think that she might suffer and that I will not be able to do anything about it. I don't expect everyone to understand, I don't know that anyone else can understand exactly how I feel... But I have faith that it will all work out. 16 days (17, counting today) and then Brooklyn will be here. I pray that we might have some time with her. I pray that it isn't selfish to ask to keep someone so perfect upon the earth for a few brief moments in time. If it is, though, then I pray that I will see her again soon. And that her life, or death, will influence our lives for the better as her life already has.
:D Happy Birthday to my Mother In Law (yesterday) and sweet Taylia, my niece (today) and to everyone else out there who have birthdays around this time.
Here's to preparing for Brooklyn's Birthday,
Courtney
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