Bentley and Mommy

My feelings as of late have been...tender. Bentley is still teething (will it ever end?) and he is really cranky especially at night, which means that he cries longer than usual when I put him to sleep. I can't stand it. I know I should stay out of his room but then I remember that one never really knows how long their loved ones or oneself will be here upon this earth. Not in a morbid way, just, we shouldn't take our loved ones for granted. Anyway, lately I have been spending more time in Bentley's room rocking him to sleep. He's getting old enough that now he kicks and fights me sometimes, but when he becomes tired he relaxes and he just babbles to me.

Oh, how I love this time. Bentley doesn't cuddle very often and he doesn't get sick often, so my cuddle time has been cut down severely. Guess it has to happen. I wish it didn't though.

My progress with that book is going well, I feel a sense of accomplishment. I feel like I am already thinking more about others and less about myself. Between that book and scripture study I just feel more loving. It helps that I am thinking of others and not dwelling on the sad feelings that I have. I can feel them being shelved. It may seem like I am just suppressing my feelings but I remind you that I have been grieving since february. Now my thoughts begin to turn to having a baby again--but only some days. I want a new cuddle buddy, I want another little voice in our house, but at the same time, I think I can wait longer. I probably should wait, I should probably avoid doctors for the next little while. I don't want to have to go through the story a million times with a new OB. And yes, I will be going to a new clinic. Not that the clinic didn't do well, I Just didn't find that we were very compatible. 

I laugh sometimes...you don't have children because you want a cuddle buddy...I do want more children in my home, though. more work, yes, more money, of course, but what isn't? and I can't think of anything that brings more joy than my family. 

Anyway, enjoy your Sunday. :)