I spend so much time lately thinking of how much I missed out on with Brooklyn gone. I get embarrassed because I am grieving and other people see it. What's wrong with showing weakness anyway? Everyone has a weakness. I have many.
Although, today as I was listening to talks by Neal A. Maxwell I came to realize something...
God is all powerful. God is Just. God is merciful and He has a deep and poignant love for us.
I know that I knew this at some point in this last year and it's a believe that seems to reappear every couple of weeks...How on earth I could forget something so important?
Of course there are times that God allows us to suffer, that's how we grow. We build character as we go through trials and tribulation. When we can't see our way through the fog, when we feel like the world is going to implode, that's when we can ask God for perspective. We can ask for comfort through the atonement of Jesus Christ. And He has always given it to me. Sometimes we have to bear it a little longer than we would have liked but God is just and He knows our breaking point and if we keep our promises to God and follow his ways there is nothing that we cannot handle without his help.
My sweet daughter Brooklyn was 4lbs and 3 oz. 16 1/2 inches tall. She was perfect. And through the beauty and justice of her birth I learned compassion, empathy, how to submit my will to the Lords and most importantly I learned that I can do hard things--and God will be my support. There is nothing I cannot do with His help.
And another thing, I didn't miss out on anything. Brooklyn is waiting for me on the other side. In fact, I have faith that she is there every day I need her, encouraging me, keeping her brother safe, preparing our home for the next little baby to grace the walls of our home with their laughter and innocent spirits. Why should I mourn the passing of an innocent, who leaves this world as perfect as, well, a new baby... and enters into an eternal rest. not eternal death. not damnation. Eternal progression, eternal rest. Rest from the difficulties of this world and the tribulations brought on by ourselves and others.
Every day for Brooklyn was difficult. Every day for 20 days. A baby who could not do anything for herself. Even breathing which is so natural and easy for everyone else was like climbing everest to her. And she was the happiest, sweetest, most perfect little person I have ever met. Everyone that came into contact with her felt the spirit of God and felt a little more perfect that day.
And that's the whole goal, right? To become perfect? To become like a child?
A child submits to the will of their father, Brooklyn was completely at our whims. And we loved her every moment that we could despite our fears, despite our pains and our anxieties. We would have kept her if we had the choice. But I believe that God, in his mercy knew that it was time for her to come home.
This is a God that creates billions of people, worlds, galaxies, universes and has his hand in all of them keeping them and blessing them to work in perfect harmony. He is more powerful than any power on this earth. He has offered us everything. And through His son He has offered a way back. Jesus Christ is the way. If we follow His commandments. Be baptized in His name, keep our promises to him and learn all we can from His gospel we can return to live with God. And all our family members.
Sometimes when I feel sad, I have forgotten this. I have to remind myself that God is a god of order. He is the same yesterday today and forever. If he can free the Israelite from Pharaoh and create life from matter, he can help me to have children and raise them without incident. And if an incident need occur...then we will get through it.
I don't know if what I am saying makes any sense...all I know is that I want to be like Brooklyn. I want to be a good example of a disciple of Christ. I want to have faith that He will care for me as he does for the flowers that don't work for their food, for newborn babes who can't even hold up their heads. I want to have faith that everything in the world is right, and not that everything in this world is tragic.
I apologize if I rambled but know this. God lives. His Son is Jesus Christ. Through Jesus Christ we can return to heaven and be with our family forever. FOREVER! And I am so happy to have met my sweet Brooklyn. She taught me so much. She continues to be a life lesson that the Lord uses to teach me.
:) Keep the faith everyone.
Courtney
No comments:
Post a Comment