Thankful

Tonight I was with my son as he was falling asleep and I was really frustrated because I had already left his room and he had thrown a huge fit. Which of course, makes me less likely to go back in because I don't want him to think he can get his way by throwing a fit! After a particularly sad wail I finally relented and I was laying in the dark, hugging my little boy feeling frustrated and irritable at anyone and everyone who could have possibly interacted with me today. I started feeling so sad. Why do I have to be so cranky all the time!? It can't be because of grief ALL THE TIME. It has to be a character flaw or something.

Well, in the spirit of changing my 'tude and softening my own heart. I want to take a moment to say what I am grateful for.

First I want to recognize the sweet innocent spirit who helped me to remember this. My little boy, who cried "Mommy!!" for ten minutes before I went in to lay with him. So desperate for my attention, so quick to forgive. Always quick to forgive. He has been such a strength to me, always loving me no matter how happy or sad or upset I can be. He is always willing to give me hugs and kisses and he is full of laughter. He just lights up my world. I hope I can have more patience with him. I've been much better this past week of taking the time to just be with him and listen to him. It has helped me to control my patience better. We've been reading scriptures together too and I know that has helped. I love him so much. 

I am also thankful for my little Brooklyn, our angel baby. She continues to teach me so much. I am so thankful that I got time with her. So many people don't get time with their angel babies. I am thankful for her sweet spirit and her love for Heavenly Father. I am so thankful for the way everything happened. I am so thankful I get her back again. I am so thankful I have so many pictures of her. Beautiful pictures. To remember my baby with.

There is another person I also am thankful for, my friend and companion, my sweet husband. He has been more than patient with me as I have tried to learn how to cope with everything. He is always thinking of me in the little ways and he is so patient with me when I forget this. The other night I was feeling so low. He spent over an hour just building up my confidence until I was in a much better news, laughing even. I am so thankful for him. He works so hard and he seems to play so little in comparison. And he is most often accessible to me and to my son. He is a great man. I am thankful.

I am so thankful to the volunteer groups and the medical professionals who bent over backwards to make our experience with Brooklyn the very best that it could be. Who took hand molds and free pictures and comforted me while she was living, and were very kind after Brooklyn passed away. I am particularly grateful for Heather, my social worker, and the NICU at the hospital where we delivered. and my Nurse Susan who was there at delivery.

My blood family would have to be next on the list. They have helped in many subtle ways. Their approach is not always seen, but always felt. My mom took a whole week off to help with my daughter and stayed up all night with her so I could get some sleep. Words can't express how wonderful moms are. And the rest of my family has been so loving and so supportive. They would be no matter what, but I feel it so much lately. I love them all so much. I am thankful for each one of them. All of my brothers, my sister, my sisters in law and my brothers in law. They are so good to us.

I am so thankful for my in-laws. I can't pick just one. They are such a good example to me and they have shown me nothing but love for almost three whole years. They are so generous with their time and their means and they show so much love to my son and daughter I could not ask for better family, indeed, or friends. They have been there through the good times and through the darkest of times and we have grown close over the last year for which I am grateful. Thank you.

I am so thankful that during a time when so many people want, we have so much. We have a home, we have food on the table and many sets of clothing. But most of all we have each other. We have the gospel of Jesus Christ and we have a loving Father in Heaven who sees all and knows all. He cares for us each individually and I have felt his love this past year. 

Take a moment, think about what you are thankful for. 

There is a hymn in my church that I love. It goes like this:

When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed

when you are discouraged thinking all is lost,

count your many blessings,

name them one by one

and it will surprise you what the Lord has don