Bounce!

Today's been kind of an up and down day. Speaking to a woman on the phone, she asked me how many children I have. A simple enough question. I just sat there. I'm sure it seemed strange, then, the words just came out of my mouth. "I have two, one is deceased." Well, gee, talk about awkward. Thankfully she had experienced something of a similar nature in her life and she understood my little mishap. I just get so used to people asking if I have one and debating every time what I should say or how I should answer it. Sometimes I just say yes because it's so much easier...but it still feels dishonest. And to be 100% serious, it really only bothers me when I am having a down day. I don't understand where this day came from either. I feel like I have been having some good days. Perhaps I'm just being selfish. My little one and I had a great day today. We played we laughed and we enjoyed each other's company. What more could I ask for?

You know what? No. I have been so blessed lately. There really is no reason to go on  and on about how sad I am and how frustrated I am. Like I'm entitled to be a sally-sob story. I refuse to let this get me down. So someone asked how many kids I have, people are going to ask me that for the rest of my life. I can't kick myself about this for the rest of my life. I can't let the time other people spend with me determine my  happiness or whether or not someone wants to go to the store with me. This pettiness has to end! Just get over it! Just pick yourself up off the floor and think of happy things. Think of the blessing of financial aid. Think of the warm home you have over your head. The presents given to your little one because of the kindness of church members. Think of that heavenly child awaiting you on the other side.

I know sometimes it is easier said than done, but I have faith that when God says we can become like him we can have power over our bodies, our emotions, our mind and anything else that we are. That's why we have the atonement. The Lord can help us overcome our weaknesses and this new-found weakness is not going to determine how I am feeling. I determine how I am feeling.

I choose not to be sad.

I choose to be happy. I choose to feel empowered. I know in whom I have trusted.

Thanks for reading.

Courtney