6 months. Random reminiscing.

Eating donuts outside in.

Talking about family with my husband and I realized that our little Brooklyn would have been six months already. It's crazy how many babies I know that are about the same age. Brooklyn would never have had the same progression, but it's strange to see these babies grow when our Broo Broo is eternally the same in my mind. Never growing, never changing, always that sweet baby-face wrapped in her polka-dotted blanket.

Today my son and I sat on the couch and read through Brooklyn's book, given to us by her uncle. He had fun pointing out all the butterflies on the pages and babbling about Brooklyn in his own little way. At one point we came to a picture of my son holding my daughter, and he said, "She's sad,"--we've been working on our emotions, happy, sad, mad--and I said, "Oh no, she's not sad, she's happy. She's just sleeping." He accepted this with ease, but then he asked me, "Where Broo Broo go?" This too, is a new question. He often asks where Daddy go or grandpa go, sometimes even "Where mommy go?" I was touched by this innocent, yet urgent question. 

I explained in very concise terms that Brooklyn's body was very sick, so she died and now she lives with Jesus. We will see her again in a long long long long time. 

It was so odd to hear my almost two year old say, "She died".

That's right, sweet heart. But we will see her again.

I ask him often if he wants a new sibling and he always says no. He doesn't want another Broo Broo, he doesn't want a sister or a brother. He's fine the way things are. Ha ha. 

Please don't mistake this post for my depression catharsis, I'm merely musing. We've been so blessed this year, but her absence is still felt, and I think now that my son can express himself better, he wants a better explanation. :) I'll just keep explaining it to him. He's growing fond of Brooklyn's blanket and her bear. 

Sometimes I will be sitting at the table and I wonder what it would have been like to have two children to feed. Crazy, I'm sure, but one day I'll understand how that feels. And I'll get Brooklyn back, but by then all my other children will be grown. Her life will be a wonderful teaching opportunity to remind them of their eternal goal, which is heaven. To be with their sister once more. 

I went to visit a new mom in the hospital. I guess I really haven't seen any new born babies ever since Brooklyn was born. It was a tender experience. One I wasn't really prepared for, but I had my little boy there too and he kept me going. It was such a blessing, though, to see the influence this brand new baby had on the people visiting her. Such a sweet spirit. The child is pending adoption but I hope wherever she ends up she will be loved and cared for. 

That was us, six months ago.

:) no matter. You've got to accentuate the positive or the negative will swallow you whole. And there is so much to be grateful for. 

:) Love you all. Keep the faith. :) Remember, the night is always darkest before the dawn...but the dawn always comes. :)